You might be a dog person if . . .
- You have to slam the door in at least one furry face if you have the slightest hope of ever going to the bathroom by yourself.
- You’ve ever apologized to your dog for slamming the bathroom door in his face.
- You really don’t care if you go to the bathroom by yourself or not.
- Your dog knows you’ll rub his butt while you’re sitting on the toilet.
- You are absolutely not embarrassed to have your dog see you get out of the shower.
- Your dog has watched you throw up.
- The windows in your house are covered with dog nose goobers from 3 feet down (or from 6 feet down if you own a jack russell).
- You’ve ever asked your dog, “What should I wear today?” or “Does this look okay?”
- You can sleep through an F5 tornado or a gas line explosion but wake in an instant if you hear the dreaded pre-barfing gagging noise in the middle of the night.
- You’ve ever stepped on a Nylabone, or squeaky toy, or ball, barefoot, in the middle of the night, while rushing to let your dog outside because he’s making the pre-barfing gagging noise.
- You spend hours pondering the best diet for your dog but eat microwave popcorn for your own supper.
- You can pick dog hair out of your food without missing a beat but nearly lose your lunch if you find a human hair in your sandwich.
- You’ve fed your dog cereal off your spoon, then absent-mindedly gone back to eating cereal with the same spoon.
- You realize you’ve fed your dog off your spoon . . . then shrug and keep eating.
- You’ve sat at work, crying, because you just got an e-mail that a friend’s dog died.
- You have explained – repeatedly – to family members that no, you cannot attend the birthday party, anniversary party, graduation party, engagement party, confirmation, family dinner for no good reason, Mother’s Day/Father’s Day get-together, wedding, funeral or audience with the Pope because you’re dog isn’t feeling well.
- Your cupboards are always well-stocked with salmon oil, Cosequin, Missing Link, Zuke’s treats, Natural Balance rolls, freeze-dried liver and sweet potato chews but you routinely run out of milk, bread and cereal.
- You’ve ever had to explain suspicious bruises to a medical professional and assured them – repeatedly – that you feel safe in your home.
- You’ve had a split lip, black eye, broken nose, rope burn or mild concussion caused by a dog belonging to yourself or a friend.
- You’ve asked an auto dealer to take the seats out of a van so you could measure for crate space. (I so have to laugh at this one because I did EXACTLY this when I bought my Caravan for the dogs two years ago.)
- You’ve had days where your only goal was to get home from work while there’s enough daylight left so you can see to pick up dog poop in the yard.
And these are specifically for those who run Agility with the dog(s):
- You have explained – repeatedly – to family members that no, you cannot attend the birthday/ anniversary/ graduation/ engagement/ party, family dinner, Mother’s/ Father’s Day get-together, wedding, funeral or audience with the Pope because you’re entered in a four-day, out-of-state trial that weekend.
- You refuse to drive 20 minutes through a blizzard to get to the office but will drive an hour through a blizzard to get to an agility trial.
- You’ve ever tried to explain an agility trial to a medical professional while trying to have exercise induced asthma diagnosed.
These all sound too familiar. You know you are a dog person when…
- You can’t see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose prints all over the inside.
- Your dog is the star of your web site.
- You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
- You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.
- You go to the pet supply store every Saturday because it’s one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
- You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
- You don’t go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your dog.
- You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your food.
- You have your dog’s picture on your office desk (but no one else’s).
- You open your purse, and that big bunch of baggies you use for pick-ups pops out.
- Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy lumber and build her a small staircase so she can climb onto the bed by herself.
- You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.
- You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
I’m sure every dog owner has seen items “come to pass” which shouldn’t have been there to begin with. I had an 8-week-old Husky puppy from one of my litters having a horrible time in the yard one day. Upon further investigation I found he was trying to pass the slide buckle from one of my bra straps which WAS in the dirty laundry…. I’ve also seen a gardening glove and full set of panty hose from a Standard Poodle I used to dog sit for who was NOTORIOUS for consuming non-food items. And there’s always the plethora of toy stuffing, toy eyeballs, etc. Ah, yes… those things which come to pass.
Here are a few items which could not – or was unable to – allow nature to take it’s course. Some of these items really made me go, “Hmmmmmm… what the……..”
(*NOTE: Click on an image to bring up a shadowbox and toggle right/left through the pictures.*)
No, this last one is not a dog, obviously, but cool enough x-ray I had to include it:
Sources: NY Daily News and MySmelly.com
Any loyal owner can just hear these thoughts in their dog….
1. Blaming your farts on me… NOT funny!
2. Yelling at me for barking… I’m a DOG, you idiot!
3. How you naively believe that the stupid cat isn’t all over everything while you’re out of the house. (Have you never noticed that your toothbrush smells like kitty litter?)
4. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this, anyway?
5. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose… just STOP it!
6. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth – your are just jealous!
7. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed that I have fur?
8. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you’re not home.
9. Taking me to the vet’s for “the big snip,” then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back.
10. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the someone at the top of the food chain!